People Told Us the Dumbest Ways They Ever Hurt Themselves in Six Words

Hurting yourself sucks. And it sucks all the more when you do it in a freakish or insanely stupid way. Literal insult added to the injury. We asked friends and co-workers about the nuttiest way they’ve hurt themselves. Here’s what they said. Get ready to cringe. (Damn, Ben.)

“Tortilla chip stabbed wisdom tooth socket.” – Elizabeth, 29

“Drunk Donkey Kong; keg on stairs.” – Rachel, 33

“Both nips pierced by sadistic piercer.” – Anna, 23

“I stabbed myself feeding my dog.” – Rebecca, 33

“Drunkenly flipped over handrail in nosebleeds.” – Drew, 25

“Cannonballed off bench onto hard ground.” – Beckett, 25

“Cut penis while trimming pubic hair.” – Ben, 42

“Fell from a hammock. Broke ankle.” – Rachael, 34

“Punctured head with doll on Christmas.” – Lia, 28

“Wound healed with gauze fused inside.” – Allie, 28

“Concussion from hitting forehead with barbell.” – Sarah, 30

“Severed tendons cutting umbrella tag off.” – Keri, 47

“Drunk sledding during a blizzard.” – Michael, 35

X-ray of Michael’s foot after he “Rented a scooter with zero experience.”

“Rented a scooter with zero experience.” – Michael, 34 (See photo above.)

“Fell in the same hole twice.” – Jaime, 33

“Loud headphones, got mugged, broke arm.” – Peter, 23

“Severed fingertip while printing school assignment.” – Meredith, 26

“Tore finger cartilage while grabbing TP.” – Betty, 39

“Chipped my tooth juggling billiard balls.” – Oscar, 35

“Glass on bedroom floor, bloody footprints.” – Liz, 29

“Made iced tea naked; jar exploded.” – Ellie, 34

“Crashed bike into a parked car.” – Cole, 31

“Cut my nose on toilet seat.” – Jo Anna, 33

“Bruised shoulder drunk-vaulting parking meters.” – Roman, 44

“Turning over in my own bed.” – Whitney, 36

“Dislocated my shoulder chasing a dog.” – Erin, 34

“Cut hand washing pair of scissors.” – Beth, 33

“Black eye from dancing too hard.” – Kylie, 34

“Fell asleep outside. Second degree burns.” – Ellie, 34

“Slipped on ice imitating a penguin.” – Joel, 39

“Cut my eyebrow while mud wrestling.” – Jen, 32

“Choked on hard candy at opera.” – Pete, 35

“Bruised foot at Steve Aoki concert.” – Alana, 23

“Poked my throat playing a violin.” – Olivia, 34

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This article originally appeared on VICE US.

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