New book faces the truth about grief and the need to celebrate life
Credit to Author: Dana Gee| Date: Thu, 16 Jan 2020 18:06:02 +0000
Award-winning TV and film producerLiz Levine delivers a touching and often funny look at life and loss in her new memoir Nobody Ever Talks About Anything but the End
Recently, the Vancouver resident, who has written for various Canadian publications including The Walrus and The Vancouver Sun, took some time to answer a few Postmedia News questions about her new book:
Q: The book is about you dealing with your sister’s suicide and your best friend’s death from cancer. Why did you combine these two stories into one book?
A: The book ultimately is about loss, grief and healing so it made sense to combine the two greatest losses of my life as through-lines here. As I dug deeper into the material I realized that the comparison was a strong way to illustrate the struggle surrounding the language and shared conversation around mental health. Cancer has a name. It’s identifiable. And we don’t expect ourselves to ‘solve’ that problem or articulate a ‘cure.’ We understand, at least somewhat, how to support and love those that are suffering with an illness we can name. If we could talk about mental health the way we talk about cancer then we would be much further along in our shared dialogue. So combining these two losses allowed me to highlight different kinds of loss and also different kinds of caregiving. For me personally it was also about loss in different kinds of relationships — the loss of those you effortlessly love and the loss of those that you had harder relationships with in life.
Q: Can you explain what you mean to be a “detective in death?”
A: To be a detective in death is about sense-making. I began to understand my sister and her illness in absentia since I was not able to understand it during her life.
Q: Who is this book for?
A: My inscription reads: “To the fighters, the hand-holders, the caretakers. This is for you. I see you.” So the book is for all those people. But the book is also for anyone and everyone who has experienced loss or who is struggling with grief.
Q: What did you get out of writing this book?
A: I think writing is an act of sense-making.
Q: Instead of chapters you use the letters of the alphabet as stepping-off points (i.e. Grave Digger, High School, Interval) for ideas and topics, why?
A: I was influenced by 2 things with the alphabet format: First, the short story/vignette is a natural form for my voice to tell stories in. I first told The Easter Bunny at a storytelling workshop and it landed so well in the room that I wrote it down. As I began to collect other stories I realized that keeping these as small bites allowed me to move through the narrative in a very similar way to how our brains process loss and grief. It is non-linear and often unexpected. Despite this non-linear approach there has to be some sense of order for readers so the alphabet was about reworking the form while still maintaining a sense of order that is not necessarily thematic. That alphabet decision I think moves the book along at a good clip. Did you not want the reader, or for that matter you, getting hung up or wallowing in things like the intensity of an intervention or someone’s ability to make things about themselves even in such a time of tragedy? The alphabet simply allows a reflection of I feel the human brain and body move through ideas, particularly in a state of grief. Moving through the alphabet it just about moving through the ideas – not to avoid intensity or details but simply a reflection of human process.
Q: What do you think the biggest thing people get wrong about grief?
A: That it’s linear. That it has a beginning, middle and end.
Q: You say in the book that you don’t believe in self-help books, but this is a helpful book.
A: There is a big difference between conventional ‘self-help’ books and the idea that seeing ourselves reflected back to us in stories we read can be a helpful or healing experience. This is definitely not self-help, but I would be very happy to think that this book helps people.
Q: When you think about your sister what comes to mind first?
A: Her red winter coat.
Q: It’s great how you refer to vulnerability as a superpower. Popular academic speaker Brené Brown is also big on letting vulnerability show. That said, how can we convince people that have spent years building fortresses around themselves to open up?
A: I am not a mental-health professional. But, for me, this is really about creating safe spaces for people to open up. That, combined with the act of being vulnerable ourselves might give others the courage to do the same.
Q: How are you feeling now?
A: Human.