A mother’s perspectives on a half-empty nest

Two of my four children have moved out and are leading independent lives. So, our nest is half empty.

Of course, I am proud of my children’s independence, but at the same time, I feel a little empty inside. I miss those happy times when we all lived under the same roof. But I cherish our memories and always look forward to their visits back home for special holidays — like the upcoming Chinese New Year on January 22, 2023!

One of my most enjoyable times was spending time with my first-born, an aviation enthusiast, at Toronto Pearson International Airport, watch airplanes from around the world land and take off.  After he graduated from high school, we traveled to Vancouver to celebrate. Riding a bicycle there with my teenage son and his friends along the Pacific coast in famous Stanley Park is also one of my most cherished memories.  I made this unforgettable trip at the urging of a wise friend, “Go with him when he still needs you,” she said.

Just before COVID-19, we visited Melbourne, Australia. At sunset, watching and listening to ocean waves, collecting seashells and finding myself surrounded by seagulls on a sandy beach is one of my fondest memories, too.

I also miss my favourite moments when my third son played Chopin’s Nocturnes or his own pieces for me at home. Now he has left home and taken the music with him. I recently visited him in downtown Toronto. “Can you play Chopin’s Nocturnes?” I asked.

When I complain about my two sons’ absence, my daughter, the youngest of my four children, reminds me that I did the same. A good reminder, indeed!

In 1979, after I graduated from high school, I secretly applied for universities outside my hometown, Beijing. The day I received my acceptance letter from a college in Nanjing, my father wasn’t in a celebratory mood. To him, Nanjing was too far from Beijing. I had to take refuge at my aunt’s house for a few days to wait out the storm. My father eventually came around after he realized that I was among the four per cent of high school graduates who could get into university that year.  I had a dozen family and friends see me off at the Beijing Train Station. From there, this rebellious teenage girl, began a 1,700 km journey to Nanjing to start an independent life at the age of 18.

Eleven years later, I traveled even farther. In 1990, I left China for Canada. Once again, more than a dozen relatives were there to bid goodbye at the Beijing International Airport. After a nearly 10,000 km journey, I was thrilled to arrive in Canada. I still remember that after my very first rock concert at Toronto’s Ontario Place, I ran in a downpour, soaking wet, but as joyous as Gene Kelly’s character in “Singin’ in the Rain”. What I felt at that moment was the enormous pleasure of being free!

So, why don’t I wish my children to enjoy their own independence and freedom? I am not that adventurous teenage girl anymore. I have become a mother of four grown children. I walk in my parents’ shoes.

I look forward to holidays, such as Mid-Autumn Festival, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year. On these joyful occasions, our family can reunite and celebrate together with mooncakes, dumplings, a roasted turkey, mashed potatoes and more.

The Chinese New Year, The Year of the Rabbit, arrives on January 22nd, 2023. I can’t wait to welcome my children back, just as my mother welcomed my younger self to return home to Beijing, many years ago.

“Come home more often,” she used to say to me. I have the same wish but have realized that I have to let my kids go; and there is a life after children.