Help and support for the lonely and grieving during the holidays is a phone call away
Credit to Author: Susan Lazaruk| Date: Fri, 06 Dec 2019 00:34:56 +0000
It may be the most wonderful time of the year, but it can also be hard, especially for those grieving a loss.
“Going through the loss of a loved one at Christmas and the holidays is particularly difficult because people see that (other) people are happy, they feel that they’re supposed to be happy, it’s the messaging in our culture,” said Fraser Health’s chief psychiatrist, Dr. Anson Koo, at Options Community Services, site of the health authority’s crisis call centre.
The 24-hour call centre, B.C.’s largest, answers 50,000 calls a year and “a good chunk of those calls come at Christmas time,” he said.
Grief can be overwhelming for those in loss, and particularly at Christmas, he said.
“They feel terrible, they feel like the world is ending and collapsing around them and in those moments, people have told me this in my own work, that they’re never going to get out of the darkness, this will never end, particularly around the holidays,” he said.
But he said it’s important for those in grief, whether from a recent or not-so-recent loss, to remember “for most people that feeling of darkness and intense sadness is normal, it’s almost universal, and most people will get through it without professional help,” he said.
Koo said the “vast majority” of people will function with the support of families and friends.
“Some people require professional help, but fortunately that’s a small minority of people,” he said.
Crisis line centre at the Options Community Centre in Surrey, BC Thursday, December 5, 2019.
He advises anyone who’s struggling with an overwhelming sense of loss to “plan ahead” to engage with family and friends.
“There’s a natural tendency to go into a cocoon and isolate when they’ve lost somebody and not really participate in the life of their family,” he said. “Plan to be with people who care for you.”
And he said loved ones shouldn’t avoid those who are grieving or avoid the topic in the mistaken presumption they will make the griever feel worse.
“Almost universally, someone who’s had a loss appreciates and values and benefits from people reaching out” to acknowledge the loss, said Koo.
Danger signs they may need professional help include that they stop eating, bathing, shopping for groceries, cooking or cleaning, or have thoughts about killing themselves or wanting to die, he said.
“When day-to-day function becomes difficult or impossible, it’s time to reach out for professional help,” said Koo.
The crisis line — at 604-951-8855 — is also available to those worried about anxiety, depression, mental-health issues, substance-use concerns or who just feel lonely, said Fraser Health.
“It’s a connection to a world of resources, grief support, counselling and medical care,” said Koo.
Tips to combat depression or anxiety, according to the Mayo Clinic website:
• Acknowledge your sad feelings, reach out to others or volunteer and be realistic about maintaining traditions or decorating.
• Set aside differences with friends and family, stick to a budget, plan ahead, learn to say no and don’t abandon healthy habits (like proper diet, sleep and exercise).
• Make time for yourself (go for a walk, listen to music, get a massage, read a book), seek professional help if you need it, and take control of the holidays by recognizing triggers and thinking positively.