The importance of making meaningful connections

Credit to Author: Hazel Morley| Date: Wed, 09 Oct 2019 16:44:31 +0000

Relocating and settling in a new country can be a lonely and somewhat isolating experience, even if you have arrived with family members. One of the ingredients to longer-term success for Canadian Immigrants is to create your own community, especially outside of your ethnic group. Staying in your ethnic silo limits your communication skills and your capacity to learn about, and experience, the local culture. It minimizes your social circle and negatively impacts your earning potential. Research has shown that immigrants who work in jobs where they communicate primarily in their native language earn less than Canadian born employees.

Community is not only important for success in Canada. It is also essential for emotional health and wellbeing. As human beings we are inherently social animals and feeling isolated and lonely is a stress factor that poses a health risk that’s apparently comparable to smoking or obesity. When we build healthy relationships, we feel supported and can provide support. Extensive studies show that social support is critical for long term health and psychological wellbeing. When we are connected and supported, we tend to perform better and enjoy life more.

Make relationships a priority

You may have heard about people who live in The Blue Zones. Five specific places in the world where people are living considerably longer, healthier and happier lives. Okinawa, an island southwest of Japan, has more centenarians than most. One of the lifestyle characteristics they claim is key to their longevity and vitality is having a secure, social network, (traditionally known as a Moai). It’s a group of people who commit to providing mutual support and respect. In all five blue zones social connectedness is an integral part of the culture.
So…assuming you would like to enjoy a long and happy life, and that your health is important to you, there are some very worthwhile benefits to making relationship building a priority.

What kind of relationships do you have in different areas of your life? Think about your personal and professional connections.

  • What is the quality of these relationships?
  • Do you have lots of contacts but few connections? In this digital age, many of us have a large network of contacts but rarely have any connection or quality communication within our network.
  • Are there any relationships that would benefit from some additional care and attention? Have you received, or taken, more than you have given, with anyone?

Here’s a few more questions that may provoke some further thought on the topic. Some will be more relevant than others, depending upon whether it’s a personal or professional relationship that you have in mind.

  • What are you doing to foster community and social connection?
  • What part are you playing in creating or maintaining dysfunctional relationships, be they between partners, colleagues, parents and children, siblings or other family members?
  • What action can you take to resolve the challenges?
  • What assumptions are you making about another person that stops you from connecting? (e.g. they won’t like me, they won’t want to engage/won’t be interested, or they won’t react well).
  • Are these assumptions true, or (possibly/certainly) untrue? What actual (versus imagined) evidence do you have to support them?
  • How are you using your imagination to limit yourself in your relationships?
  • What are your expectations of other people? Are you expecting them to meet all your needs? Are you expecting or waiting for them to change their behaviour? Are your expectations keeping you disconnected?
  • Where’s your focus? Are you expecting to succeed or fail at building connection? Are your thoughts rooted in the past (‘I’ve never been good with people’), the present moment (‘I am interested in others who are different to me’) or in the future (‘they probably won’t agree to meeting with me’)?
  • Are you finding fault, blaming and complaining? Are you wearing the victim T-shirt and using victim language?
  • Are you people-pleasing and then feeling compromised, resentful or stressed?
  • What is your motivation when interacting with others – to give in order to receive?
  • Do you have your own identity, interests and goals outside of the relationship? Or do you rely on another person to define your sense of purpose? How does this affect your levels of energy and happiness?

Reflect on what is important to you

When you are choosing your connections and building relationships, for personal and professional purposes, it’s helpful to understand that it is your values, emotional needs and principles that drive your decisions and choices. Taking some time to reflect on these driving forces can help you decide if it’s time to re-evaluate what’s important to you. Are your values and principles helping you create more of what you want to have, be and do in life?

It’s not always easy to build a new network, especially when there are cultural and language differences. Start with a smile – the universal connector. Show genuine interest in another person. Get curious and ask questions to find out how they see and experience the world. Listen without judging. Over time you will build trust and respect which is the foundation stone to meaningful, lasting connection and support. You will soon find your own Moai and potentially add years to your life – or at least add life to your years…..what’s not to like about that?

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