How Vinny Guadagnino Became the Surprise Heartthrob of the ‘Jersey Shore’
Credit to Author: Alex Zaragoza| Date: Mon, 17 Jun 2019 12:05:03 +0000
Jersey Shore’s Vinny Guadagnino was always the cute one—the (comparatively) pale, somewhat slender brother figure who actually begged a nightclub dancer to go on a date with him, before she stood him up. It was painful to watch, but his tragic friendzone days are long gone.
Guadagnino is hot now. So hot, in fact, that he will be performing with Chippendales this summer for the second time after his first stint back in April, Page Six reports. The long-running male revue asked the reality star to return to host the show at the Rio Hotel & Casino for six more weeks starting July 26, giving the horniest Jersey Shore heads another chance to catch a peek of his reportedly magnum-sized salsiccia swinging in a g-string.
Vinny was not always this guy. So, how did the Jersey Shore’s biggest mama’s boy go from saddy to zaddy?
In the early seasons of Jersey Shore, the guidettes in the house fawned over the juicy gorillas at Karma (read: meatheads at the club) that made them heave under their leopard-print bodycon dresses. Guadagnino was by no means gorilla-esque. His arms didn’t look like they were stuffed with beefy hamburgers, and his skin didn’t emit the radioactive burnt orange favored by the tease-haired ladies of the Shore. He was seen as a brother figure, save for “dirty little hamster” Angelina Pivarnick, who hooked up with him in the house then later called him fat during a major blowout. Even Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi once said, “He’s like my big brother. I love him. But you usually don’t have sex with your big brother.” Of course, this was spoken after she got a taste of Vinny’s watermelon-sized ding dong, which lead to her unbridled lust for him and a years-long crush.
But Guadagnino was never cast as the heartthrob. He was certainly not the muscly ogre in the center of a dysfunctional relationship; that was thick-necked Ronnie Magro. He also wasn’t the smarmy horndog lifting his Affliction tee for the ladies; that honor goes to the now-reformed Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino. And he wasn’t the charming peacock rocking a gelled, spiked crown for hair; that was all Pauly “DJ Pauly D” DelVecchio, baby. Guadagnino was the sweet one: easy-going, smart, and open about his mental health. He was a heartthrob to many out there, but seemingly unappreciated in the Jersey Shore. Granted, he still had his misogynistic moments, as do all the men and women of the show, but out of them all he was the nicest. Maybe he’s proof that it’s true what they say about nice guys: no one wants to have sex with them.
Then came the Keto diet.
After eliminating his beloved pasta, along with fruits, grains, sweets, and countless other delicious things, and going hard at the gym, Guadagnino got completely jacked, unveiling his buff new bod on the premiere of Jersey Shore: Family Vacation in 2018 and, of course, Instagram well before then. In one memorable scene from Jersey Shore: Family Vacation, he drunkenly eats the greasy cheese off a pizza, refusing to eat the crust so as to not break his diet. His dedication to the ketogenic lifestyle garnered him the nickname “Keto Guido,” and a set of gloriously ripped abs. He is also notably a shade or two tanner than those early days. In choosing to live less deliciously, he has never looked so damn delicious. His abs look like they’re made of iron hot dogs stacked to his nipples. If Vinny was a compilation CD featuring the hottest radio hits of the day, he’d be called Now That’s What I Call a Glow Up 69. He’s what a cartoon wolf sees before its eyes explode in hearts and it screams “HUMMINA HUMMINA HUMMINA! AROOOOOGAH.” In other words, he’s fine.
And while yes, diet and exercise has been proven to lead to a jacked bod, because of science, it’s still fun to marvel at the transformation. He fully leans into it, too. His Instagram bio reads “low carb stripper,” and he posts thirst trap upon thirst trap of himself shirtless in the official clothing choice of hot boys everywhere, the gray jogger. At previous Chippendales shows, Guadagnino performed a shower routine in which he showed of his bare ass for the audience, only covering his goods with a small hand towel. He knows exactly what he’s doing.
Perhaps feeling good in his body, gaining greater confidence, and finding excitement in the attention he gets, while maintaining that boyish charm that made him lovable since the beginning, has gotten him to a place where he can rip off his undertank for screaming fans one day and joke about his mind-blowingly buff BAWD another day. Whatever it is, we can officially declare Vinny the hot one. We stan the Keto Guido.
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This article originally appeared on VICE US.