5 things people should stop doing on Facebook in 2019

Credit to Author: JOSEPH HOLANDES UBALDE| Date: Sat, 29 Dec 2018 16:14:24 +0000

JOSEPH HOLANDES UBALDE

Before my Facebook newsfeed becomes inundated with people’s resolutions for the year, let me post my very own today: From here on, I will no longer tolerate people who grate at my nerves.

This 2019, I’m trimming down my virtual friends. Who says you only need to lose weight to start being healthy? You should also start detoxifying your friends list of people who frequently commit these heinous social media crimes:

The flood likers

When someone likes one, two, or three of your photos in succession, that’s admiration. But when the same person likes about 20, that’s called desperation.

Flood likers engage in this kind of attention-seeking, passive-aggressive behavior that really irritates me. Why would anyone find it amusing to like photos that stretched all the way back to three or four years ago unless they’d want the person to message them back. Do people actually find this sweet or endearing? Instead of flood liking, why don’t you just like one or two photos and send the heartfelt, sincere message of admiration? For now, lemme unfriend you, flood likers.

PD-hey!

Why is it that the non-Erwan Heussaff and non-Anne Curtis are always at it with their public displays of affection in social media?

We get it, you’ve found each other, hooray! Now get out of my feed because I’m still having breakfast! I don’t want to throw up at photos of yourselves exchanging sloppy kisses or sweet messages for everyone to see. We get it, you both think you are a catch. But please, respect our space and appetite. Because when the two of you break up (and studies show that couples who frequently flaunt their relationship on social media are on shaky ground), I’d be posting a smiley emoji to comment on both of your “single” statuses on Facebook. Stop making us, bitter single folks, well, more bitter. But for now, adios amigo.

Thirst traps

I’m sick of seeing photos of half naked guys or cleavage-pressed girls on my Facebook feed especially when their captions are copy-paste quotes stolen somewhere on Google.

Why would you post a picture of yourself, half naked in front of your Christmas tree inside an airconditioned room? And please help me explain that two-piece swimsuit you wore while showcasing your cooking skills in a post that looks more like a calendar for a brandy.

I don’t mind looking at thirst trap pictures if they are what they are. Don’t pass them off as something more profound than that. Hold off on linking a Confucian quote with your six pack abs. Seriously.

The spoiler brat

In a couple of months, the season finale of “Game of Thrones” will finally air. If I ever read a post from anyone of you spoiling any single episode of it, sorry, bye Felicia! Cue: automatic unfriend button.

The award-giving body speech

I’d like to thank everyone, and I’d like to post it publicly, for a recent achievement that is best described as mundane.

Facebook is a public avenue, I get it, but it’s not necessarily your personal rostrum. I hate it when people post their Oscar Speech-like, self-congratulatory prose online for things that hardly merit it.

A recent travel to Catbalogan, passing a routine urine test, and winning a rice dispenser raffle are all exciting alright, but they do not warrant a lengthy speech detailing how thankful you are to the universe for favoring you over all the other “candidates.”

And can we get this one thing clear already: It’s “Thank,” no ‘S,’ as in the expression “Thank God! I don’t have to put up with your shenanigans anymore.”

Joseph Ubalde is a digital content expert and social media strategist who has worked for various local and global companies. ‘The Digital Nomad’ is the first and only column dedicated to social media in the Philippines. If you have comments or want to connect with him, E-mail: markjubalde@gmail.com. But please, don’t do any of the listed things above if you don’t want to get his ire. Happy New Year!

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